14 Hanover Square（追忆似水年华）（1/2）

HanoverSquare（追忆似水年华）

Canitreallybesixty-twoyearsagothatIfirstsawyou

Itistrulyalifetime，Iknow.ButasIgazeintoyoureyesnow，itseemslikeonlyyesterdaythatIfirstsawyou，inthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare.

FromthemomentIsawyousmile，asyouopenedthedoorforthatyoungmotherandhernewbornbaby.Iknew.IknewthatIwantedtosharetherestofmylifewithyou.

IstillthinkofhowfoolishImusthavelooked，asIgazedatyou，thatfirsttime.Irememberwatchingyouintently，asyoutookoffyourhatandlooselyshookyourshortdarkhairwithyourfingers.Ifeltmyselfbecomingimmersedinyoureverydetail，asyouplacedyourhatonthetableandcuppedyourhandsaroundthehotcupoftea，gentlyblowingthesteamawaywithyourpoutedlips.

Fromthatmoment，everythingseemedtomakeperfectsensetome.Thepeopleinthecaféandthebusystreetoutsidealldisappearedintoahazyblur.AllIcouldseewasyou.

AllthroughmylifeIhaverelivedthatveryfirstday.Many，manytimesIhavesatandthoughtaboutthatthefirstday，andhowforafewfleetingmomentsIamthere，feelingagainwhatisliketoknowtruelovefortheveryfirsttime.ItpleasesmethatIcanstillhavethosefeelingsnowafterallthoseyears，andIknowIwillalwayshavethemtocomfortme.

NotevenasIshookandtrembleduncontrollablyinthetrenches，didIforgetyourface.Iwouldsithuddledintothewetmud，terrified，asthehailsofbulletsandmortarscrasheddownaroundme.Iwouldclutchmyrifletightlytomyheart，andthinkagainofthatveryfirstdaywemet.Iwouldcryoutinfear，asthenoiseofwarbeatdownaroundme.But，asIthoughtofyouandsawyousmilingbackatme，everythingaroundmewouldbebecomesilent，andIwouldbewithyouagainforafewpreciousmoments，farfromthedeathanddestruction.ItwouldnotbeuntilIopenedmyeyesonceagain，thatIwouldseeandhearthecarnageofthewararoundme.

Icannottellyouhowstrongmyloveforyouwasbackthen，whenIreturnedtoyouonleaveintheSeptember，feelingbattered，bruisedandfragile.WeheldeachothersotightIthoughtwewouldburst.IaskedyoutomarrymetheverysamedayandIwhoopedwithjoywhenyoulookeddeepintomyeyesandsaid“yes“tobeingmybride.

I“mlookingatourweddingphotonow，theoneonourdressingtable，nexttoyourjewellerybox.Ithinkofhowyoungandinnocentwewerebackthen.IrememberbeingonthechurchstepsgrinninglikeaCheshirecat，whenyousaidhowdashingandhandsomeIlookedinmyuniform.Thephotoisoldandfadednow，butwhenIlookatit，Ionlyseethebrightvibrantcolorsofouryouth.Icanstillremembereverydetailoftheprettyweddingdressyourmothermadeforyou，withitsfinedelicatelaceandprettypearls.IfIconcentratehardenough，Icansmellthesweetnessofyourweddingbouquetasyouhelditsoproudlyforeveryonetosee.

Irememberbeingsooverenjoyed，whenayearlater，yougentlyheldmyhandtoyourwaistandwhisperedinmyearthatweweregoingtobeafamily.

Iknowbothourchildrenloveyoudetheyareoutsidethedoornow，waiting.

DoyourememberhowIpanickedlikeamadmanwhenJonathonwasbornIcanstillpictureyoulaughingandsmilingatmenow，asIclumsilyheldhimfortheveryfirsttimeinmyarms.Iwatchedasyourlaughterfadedintotears，asIstaredathimandcriedmyowntearsofjoy.

SarahandTomarrivedthismorningwithlittleTessie.CanyourememberhowwebothhuggedeachothertightlywhenwesawourtinygranddaughterforthefirsttimeIcan“tbelieveshewillbeeightnextmonth.Iamtryingnottocry，mylove，asItellyouhowbeautifulshelookstodayinherprettydressandredshinyshoes，sheremindsmesomuchofyouthatfirstdaywemet.Shehasherhaircutshortnow，justlikeyourswasallthoseyearsago.WhenImetheratthedoorhersmilewrappedaroundmelikeawarmglove，justlikeyoursusedtodo，mydarling.

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Iknowyouaretired，mydear，andImustletyougo.ButIloveyousomuchithurtstodoso.

Aswegrewoldtogether，Iwouldteaseyouthatyouhadnotchangedsincewefirstmet.Butitistrue，mydarling.Idonotseethewrinklesandgreyhairthatotherpeoplesee.WhenIlookatyounow，Ionlyseeyoursweettenderlipsandyouthfulsparklingeyesaswesatandhadoutfirstpicnicnexttothatsmallstream，andchasedeachotheraroundthatbigoldoaktree.Irememberwishingthosefirstfewdaystogetherwouldlastforever.Doyourememberhowexcitingandwonderfulthosedayswere

Imustgonow，mydarling.Ourchildrenarewaitingoutside.Theywanttosaygoodbyetoyou.

Iwipethetearsawayfrommyeyesandbendmyfrailoldlegsdowntothefloor，sothatIcankneelbesideyou.Ileanclosetoyouandtakeholdofyourhandandkissyourtenderlipsfortheverylasttime.

Sleeppeacefullymydear.

Iamsadthatyouhadtoleaveme，butpleasedon“tworry.Iamcontent，knowingIwillbewithyousoon.Iamtoooldandtooemptynowtolivemuchlongerwithoutyou.

Iknowitwon“tbelongbeforewemeetagaininthatsmallcaféinHanoverSquare.

Goodbye，mydarlingwife.